Bluestar's Insanity
by MissFlutter Pie
Summary: Every so often, a cat can break down completely, often if they experience great trauma in their life. Bluestar is one of these few. Alone and scared, terrified by her fragile and twisted mind, she seeks comfort in the most unlikely of places, and resorts to desperate measures to take the pain away. This gets very dark.
1. Poppy Seeds

**After rereading Warriors, I decided to write a story on Bluestar.**

_Dark, all dark._

_Fragile minds were crushed underneath treachery._

_She kept going through the motions, knowing that it was worthless, dark, all dark._

_StarClan had betrayed her, her cats pitied her, but she would be strong again._

_Her tears mixed with the rain, maybe the cats would think it was rain._

_Clan leaders shouldn't cry._

"It's all empty," I choked, staring into space.

Fireheart was staring at me, terror in his eyes. Good! GOOD! He was a traitor, and they all were, traitors, all traitors! What was being a leader, when my family died around me? Moonflower... Snowfur... They all left me.

"This isn't good for you! I'll go get Cinderoelt, she-" Fireheart gabbled, nodding to the exit.

Fury bubbled up, and I snarled. The traitor dared to leave! He dared to go! He... He...

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" I yowled, taking a step closer.

"Heeeheee! I thought of the perfect punishment for you!" I said gleefully. "I, I'll keep you as a deputy, and let you be leader! Oh, StarClan are cruel Fireheart! I mean, Firestar! They make me a leader and give me nine lives, but what does it mean to be Clan leader? Nothing! It's all empty! Now, GET OUT IF MY SIGHT!"

Fireheart fled, terror in his eyes. What had I become, that I scared my own deputy? But he was a traitor! They were all traitors! Everyone! ShadowClan and WindClan, only RiverClan were good, even StarClan, what did this mean, when I had no hope no escape it was empty empty.

Emptyemptyemptyemptyemptyemotyemptyemptyemptyemptyemptyemptyempty...

I screamed silently, more alone than I had ever been in my entire life. Everyone left or betrayed me, and I was alone in the darkness.

"Bluestar?"

No, Cinderpelt was here.

"Bluestar, you need to sleep, I have some poppy seeds," she said, placing four tiny seeds down. I glared at her, snarling.

After she had left, I ate them anyway, to escape reality to fall into sleep.

"I just..." I never finished the sentence, sliding into a familiar memory, watching it unfold before my eyes.

_"Let's explore by ourselves." Bluekit saw a chance to slip away unnoticed._

_"But it's fun hanging out with . . ." Bluekit didn't hear any more; she was already backing away._

_Glancing over her shoulder, she spotted a low, spreading bush beside the nursery. Patchkit and Leopardkit wouldn't find them there. She spun around and dashed for the bush, diving under a branch. As she caught her breath, she tasted lots and lots of different scents clinging to the leaves. How many cats were there in ThunderClan? Did they really all fit in the camp?_

_The branches shook, and Snowkit crashed in after her._

_"I thought you weren't coming!" Bluekit squeaked in surprise._

_"Moonflower told us to stay together," Snowkit reminded her._

_Together they peeped out to see if Leopardkit, Patchkit, and Dapplepaw had noticed their escape. The three cats were staring at the nursery, looking puzzled._

_Dapplepaw shrugged. "They must have gone back to their nest."_

_"Never mind." Patchkit paced around Dapplepaw. "Now you can take us to the sandy hollow like you promised."_

_Sandy hollow? What's that? Bluekit suddenly wished she'd stayed with the others._

_"I never promised!" Dapplepaw protested._

_"We'll be in trouble if we get caught," Leopardkit warned._

_"We're not supposed to leave the camp until we're apprentices, remember?"_

_"Then we won't get caught," Patchkit mewed._

_Dapplepaw glanced uncertainly around the clearing. "I'll take you to the edge of the ravine," she offered. "But that's all."_

_Jealousy burned Bluekit's pelt as she watched Dapplepaw lead Leopardkit and Patchkit toward the gorse barrier and disappear through a gap at the base._

_Maybe we can follow them and see where they go..._

I watched the kits play, grief in my heart. "WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS?" I yowled. I don't want to see...

I woke up, panting heavily, still seeing the kit me and Snowfur playing together, in front of me, dancing in the fire burned clearing.

"It's all empty," I repeat.

**What do you think? Is it good? Is it bad? R&R and tell me what you think!**


	2. An Unexpected Discovery

**Here we go! The next chapter! Yaaaaay! But first, reviews!**

**Blazingnyancat: Thanks!**

**...That was short. Too all of you that favourited or liked or reviewed, this chapter's for you guys!**

**I also know who you are! Creepy, but true!**

After a while of staring into space, I got up and walked out onto the Highledge. I didn't like what I was about to do, but the Clan needed warriors, traitors or not.

"May all cats old enough to," _be a traitor,_ " catch their own prey gather underneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting!"

The cats turned around and padded over to me, looking interested. I glared at them all.

"The day has come to make new warriors," I said in a bored voice. "Fernpaw, Ashpaw, Brightpaw, Thornpaw and Swiftpaw step forwards,"

I waited while they came forwards, looking a bit confused as to what I was doing.

"With the power invested in me by..." I trailed of uncertainly. I can't say StarClan, can I? "Um, I give you your warrior names. Fernclaw, Ashfang, Cloudslash, Swiftslice and Brightblood. That is all."

There was shock all over every cats face as they gazed at me. I stared back. Traitors, they are traitors.

"These aren't warrior names!" Brightblood said in a disgusted voice. "I don't want to be called Brightblood!"

"StarClan didn't agree to them," Fernclaw added. "It wasn't a proper ceremony.

"Uhh, heh, I'm sure Bluestar, um, knows what she's doing!" Fireheart said in a worried tone, but was drowned out by Smallear screaming.

"Bluestar's a traitor!"

My eyes snapped up to meet his and I glared at him furiously. The Clan seemed frozen as well, looking scared of me.

"Who is Clan leader?" I demanded. I got no answer and leapt from the Highrock and landed in front of him. "Who? Who?!"

"Uh, you are, B-Bluestar," he stammered.

"Exactly, I am leader and my word is law. Any questions?" I looked around. Nobody met my eyes, preferring to look at the ground. Even the new warriors stopped whining.

I barged past the cats and out of the camp, tears pouring down my face. It wasn't fair! Why did I have do deal with this? Why had he betrayed me? Why, when he loved me?

"Tigerclaw?" I asked, looking up to the entrance yo my den. "It is still early. Someone might see us."

A purr escaped his lips. "Darling, no one will. I've checked three times."

He came and sat beside my, licking me and telling me he loved me. Eventually, we moved deeper down, and lost ourselves in passion.

"I love you..."

I heard his whisper on the wind. Liar! He hadn't loved me! Tigerclaw had never loved me! Why else would he try to kill me? Oak heart had never done that! I started sprinting, racing through the forest until I reached Sunningrocks.

"Alone at last..." I whispered, sitting and singing softly.

"It's like forgetting  
The words to your favourite song  
You can't believe it  
You were always singing along  
It was so easy  
And the words so sweet  
You can't remember  
You try to feel the beat!"

Memories flickered through my head of Mistykit, Stonekit and Mosskit, leading the Clan, of Tigerclaw and others, causing me to sing the strange song that was coming from the broken fragments of my mind.

"You spent half of your life  
Trying to fall behind  
Abusing your headphones  
To drown out what's in mind  
It was so easy  
And the words so sweet  
You can't remember  
You try to move your feet!"

"Heh-hem."

I sprung to my paws and stared in shock at Stonefur. Seeing my son made my heart thud, as I faced him.

"You're on RiverClan territory," he told me bluntly.

"Yes, yes, I'll get off," I said eagerly. Anything for my son! I got down and left, noticing him staring oddly at me.

As I went along beside the river, I thought about how relaxing it would look, taking me away from my tortured existence. Slowly, I leaned over it.

Life was empty. I could end it. It would all be over.

My paw lifted. I took a deep breath. And froze.

I couldn't do it. Not because I was too scare, but because of a tiny kick in my stomach.

Fresh tears came, staining the ground with marks of my pain. stupid! I should have known this would happen! I thought angrily. I bit hard on my paw and felt pain burst, bringing clarity.

I would hide it. It would be fine, even if StarClan didn't look on me any more. I could leave the Clan, but in the hands of the incompetent fool, Fireheart? Never!

I would cope.

"Empty..."

I saw a tiny kit, Mosskit. And she was saying empty. She was right, it was. But if I strived, I could make it.

_STARCLAN_

_They watched her. She hallucinated her daughter. She was too deep for rescue, but maybe with her discovery she could be saved._

BLUESTAR

I was stunned. How could this be? How could I be with kit?

With _Tigerclaw's_ kit?

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN! So, Bluestar is pregnant! How will she hide it? Yes, I support BluestarxTigerstar. Dint judge me.

I don't own the song Eet, it's the one Bluestar sang and Reguna Specklor does.

Did you like this chapter? If so, don't forget to R&R!


	3. The Fighter, The Sickly, The Seer

**I'm back! And so's my story!**

**Last time we left Bluestar, she was pregnant with kits of Tigerstar. Who she hates, but mated with before he tried to kill her. What was he thinking?**

**Stupid Tigerstar.**

**And I also just realised that Tigerstar is at this point, leader of ShadowClan. I can't believe I forgot that!**

**Oh well, review time!**

**Watermint: Thank you!**

**BlazingNyanCat: I'm going to guess you liked it?**

**Dark River of ThunderClan Camp: Now you can find out what happens next!**

**Now in the story, Bluestar wants to get rid of them, but ii don't think you can have an abortion when you rely on plants to stop you from dying...**

**Too bad for her.**

When I got back to camp, I was still muttering 'no' under my breath, stunned by the fact that I was pregnant with Tigerstars kits. Why did this always happen to me? I was leading over a Clan of traitors, watched by dead traitors and was having the treacherous kits of the biggest traitor of them all.

It really couldn't get any worse.

Fireheart ran up to me as soon as I got past the barrier. "Bluestar, where have you been?" he meowed.

I mumbled under my breath for an answer and shoved past him up to my den. This wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair.

"Cinderpelt!" I suddenly called, seeing her across the other side of the camp. She wasn't a traitor! She could help!

"Yes, Bluestar?" she asked, coming over to me.

"Is their any herb that can stop a she-cat from having kits, when she's already having them?" I burst out desperately.

"What? No!" she gasped. "Why would you want a herb like that, Bluestar?"

I growled under my breath and went up to my den. Finally I was alone and I I could think about what I was going to do.

If I had to keep the kits, I could give them to someone else, but who? Was it young to be like Mistyfoot and Stonefur? If Tigerstar found out, would he want to have them?

I felt a small kick in my stomach, then another. I had at least two kits. Oh great, it was going to be sooooo easy to hide them.

A third kick came from my stomach. It was stronger. That was three.

"Maybe I should go see Cinderpelt," I murmured. "I can trust her. She wouldn't betray me."

"Bluestar..." I heard a voice, a familiar voice say.

"Moonflower?" I gasped, looking around and feeling a wrench for my mother.

"Your kits have an important destiny. The fighter, the sickly and the Seer, but they will be strong. Do not fear." Moonflower told me.

"The fighter, the sickly, the Seer? Is this a prophecy?" I asked suspiciously.

There was no reply, so I growled and got up, intending to go to the medicine cats den, when I smelt Cinderpelt and realised she'd come to me.

"Are you okay, Bluestar?" she asked anxiously. "Why were you asking about herbs to kill kits?"

Deep breath, Bluestar...

"I'm having Tigerstar's kits, " I confessed.

Cinderpelts eyes widened. I explained it all to her, including my plans to give them to another queen.

When I was finished, she asked, "why can't you keep them?"

"Because they would find out the kits are Tigerstars, he'd find out and there would be fighting. It's safer to pretend."

"But then, they'd be traitors."

"I know, but what else can I do? Can you help me? Please?"

Cinderpelt was silent for a moment, before she nodded. "I'll help you, Bluestar."

_They could hear, but they could not move. She wanted to get told of them! They had to stop her, but they couldn't. They were stuck._

**So who are they at the end? What does Moonflowers prophecy mean? The fighter, the sickly and the Seer. Who could they be? Why am I still asking questions I know the answer too?**

**All will be revealed on time, dear friend.**

**Wakare!**


End file.
